Written by Adan Gonzalez
October 24, 2023
Self-doubt and lack of confidence are two problems I have struggled with often throughout my life. Whether it was trying to assimilate during high school, or later at SCU, being my authentic self seemed like an impossible task. I often found myself trying to dilute the parts of myself that stood out and highlighting those qualities in me that were more common or popular. Not wanting to stick out was always the goal.
The post-graduate life has recently presented me with a brand-new wave of self-doubt. The new culprit, Corporate America.
I am a Technology Assurance Professional. What does that mean exactly? I'm two years in and still trying to figure it out myself, and that is normal. After being asked enough times by friends and family what exactly I do, I think I have finally conjured up a somewhat satisfactory description. There are financial auditors, aka accountants, and then there are technology auditors, which is where I sit. Graduating with a Finance degree from SCU, you might think that landing a job at a Big 4 accounting firm would not be unexpected and even extremely desirable. While I was proud, it was a hard change given that I was thrust into my first corporate job less than three months after our COVID-modified graduation.
"I want to encourage everyone to be the person who checks in on people, who speaks up when someone on your team is being treated without kindness."
What were the main driving forces of my less-than-ecstatic attitude? You guessed it – our good old friend, self-doubt. To provide some context, I am an alumni of the LEAD scholars program, the first member of my family to go to college and the first to hold a “corporate” job. My self-doubt was grounded in this. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
So, what did I do? Well, I resorted to the only tactic that had helped me out of these periods of doubt and insecurity - just JUMP IN. There’s no other way for me to easily confront these feelings without jumping right into the deep end.
What did this look like for me at my first full-time job after SCU? I asked a lot of questions, a lot. I volunteered to help with tasks I didn't even know how to start on. I became part of a BRG (Business Resource Group) for Latinx employees at the firm. I attended recruiting events on behalf of the company and went out of my way to get to know members of my teams. I jumped into the deep end, which in the process made me a better person, employee, and co-worker.
"Lean into the problems and insecurities that most scare you. That is where you will find the greatest growth opportunities!"
I want to encourage everyone to be the person who checks in on people, who speaks up when someone on your team is being treated without kindness. Wear bright clothes, do what you need to do to feel like you, and everything you do will feel easier after that. You will be shrouded and protected in a deep sense of security, security in your own identity.
Lean into the problems and insecurities that most scare you. That is where you will find the greatest growth opportunities. I Promise!
Adan Gonzalez ‘21 graduated Santa Clara University with a double degree in Finance and Spanish Studies and a minor in Philosophy. He currently works at KPMG as Technology Assurance Associate and previously was the Finance Manager at SCU's Multicultural Center during his time as a student.