Photo (cropped) credit: Munshots/Unsplash
Zipporah Ridley ’17 is a Santa Clara University alumna, former Hackworth Fellow with the Markkula Center for Applied Ethics, and pro bono case manager at Philadelphia VIP, a provider of free legal services.
I am tired.
I am tired of having the same conversations, the same arguments, the same petitions, the same marches. All to simply exist.
I am tired of being shown that I don’t matter. That my brother doesn’t matter. That my mother doesn’t matter. That my father doesn’t matter. That my aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews don’t matter. I am tired. I am so profoundly tired.
I was tired in Selma in 1965 and I am tired now.
I am tired of needing to reassure myself that I matter. That we matter. I am tired.
I am tired of using my trauma and emotional labor to educate others. I am tired.
I am tired of explaining respectability politics. I am tired of explaining that buildings can be rebuilt, but a life that is lost cannot come back.
I am tired of seeing black bodies mutilated.
I am tired of seeing black bodies murdered.
I was tired in Mississippi in 1955 and I am tired now.
I am tired of not feeling safe.
I am tired of living in a country that mourns broken glass and burned buildings, but not broken necks.
I am tired.
I am tired. I can’t buy skittles.
I am tired. I can’t play in a park.
I am tired. I can’t drive home.
I am tired. I can’t sell CDs.
I am tired. I can’t sell cigarettes.
I am tired. I am tired of being left in the street.
I am tired. I can’t jog.
I am tired. I can’t sleep in my own home.
I am tired. I can’t bird watch.
I am tired of chokeholds.
I am tired of being a target.
I was tired in Los Angeles in 1992. I am still tired.
I am tired of new hashtags.
I am tired of living in fear. I am tired of wondering who’s next. I am tired.
I was tired in Virginia in August 1831. I am still tired.
I am tired of mourning.
I am tired of protesting.
I am tired of crying, screaming, and fighting for justice.
I am tired of asking, begging, and pleading for equality.
I am tired of waiting.
I am tired.
I am tired.
We are tired.
Aren’t you?
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To help be part of the change and move the conversation forward:
Donate:
A National or Local Community Bail Fund
Official George Floyd Memorial Fund
Sign:
Justice for Ahmaud Arbery! I Run with Maud!
DEMAND JUSTICE FOR GEORGE FLOYD
Defund the Police and Invest in Communities
Read:
Santa Clara University’s Ethnic Studies Department
Campaign Zero and their #8CantWait Initiative
Between the World and Me by Tanehisi Coates
How to be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi
White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Robin DiAngelo
“Why I’m no longer talking to white people about race” by Reni Eddo-Lodge
Take care of yourself:
Santa Clara University’s Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)
Santa Clara University’s Office of Multicultural Learning
Santa Clara University’s Campus Ministry
Liberate Meditation App for the Black, Indegenous, and People of Color Community