Believe What You Hear: When someone shares that they’ve experienced interpersonal harm, like sexual assault, dating or domestic violence, stalking, or harassment, it may have taken a lot of courage to name and voice that experience. One of the most powerful ways you can support them is to simply believe them and thank them for trusting you.
Listen Without Judgment: Survivors often worry they’ll be blamed, questioned, or misunderstood. Try to listen with care and compassion, without pressing for details or offering your own opinions. If you're feeling unsure or overwhelmed, it's okay to reach out to a confidential resource later, for your own support.
Be Present, Not Perfect: You don’t have to have all the answers. Just being there, calm, kind, and present, can be incredibly grounding. You might ask things like: “Do you feel safe right now?” “Do you want to go to Voyager for tea and pastry?” “Would you want to go to the Wellness Center and use their massage chair or color?” Let them lead the way and honor what feels right for them, while offering options for decompression and grounding may lessen the overwhelm and scariness of what was just shared and what happens next.
Offer Support, Gently: If and when they feel ready, you can let them know there are people and resources who can help. Whether it’s talking to the Confidential Survivor Advocate to explore academic or housing support, or learning about their options. Follow their pace, and remind them they’re not alone.
Take Care of Yourself, Too: Supporting someone who’s been harmed can bring up a lot of emotions. It’s okay to take a step back and check in with how you’re doing. Reach out to a confidential support person if you need to talk. And always be mindful of your friend’s privacy, sharing their story is not yours to share. Respect their boundaries and let them control when, how, and with whom their experiences are discussed
There are supportive resources available to you and your friend, including Counseling & Psychological Services (CAPS), Confidential Survivor Advocacy, and community partners such as YWCA, SAFE+ Program, and Next Door Solutions. These resources are here not only for those who have experienced harm, but also for the friends and loved ones who are walking alongside them.
UWill to speak with a licensed mental health therapist: (408) 554-5220
YWCA to speak with a confidential advocate: (800) 572-2782
Next Door Solutions to Domestic Violence: (408) 279-2962
RAINN: (800) 656-4673
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233
Suicide Crisis Line: 988